I like it when my son plays John Frusciante air guitar. I like it when my daughter spends her day speckling a canvas instead wasting of it numbing herself on the iPad.
"You'll never remember your best day of technology", I say.
Shit. I'm that mom.
I like free play with them. I like being "bored". And I tell them as much. Sometimes we do cosmic yoga. Sometimes we watch old music videos of The Cure and Nirvana. My son curiously wonders whether Robert Smith is a vampire and if Kurt Cobain is going to torture the principal.
I like when we don't have things to do and we spend our morning playing in the trees. I like it when we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the purpose of life and the soul and what happens when we die.
"We're just orbs of light borrowing a body", I say, and then I tell them that when it's all said and done, we return to stardust.
A quick Google search will tell you that type 4 moms are 'individualists' and 'moody creatives'. The brass tacks of it? We're unorthodox parents who take pride in raising our kids to have access to a rich emotional life, to be daydreamers, and to pursue their own uniqueness.
And with that in mind, I have a few confessions to make.
I secretly like it when my kids swear. My daughter rarely does, but when she lets it slip, it's magnificent. She usually apologizes. Then there's my son, who loves throwing out an ebullient 'f bomb'. Just the other day, I was showing him some delicious looking cookies at a bakery and he goes, "fuuuuuuuck. Those look so fucking yummy mommy. So fucking yummy." And on his first day of Kindergarten a few months ago, we rolled up to the school and he exclaimed, "Holy fuck! I'm so fucking excited!"
Ever a lover of language, I want them to have the ability and range to express themselves. So yeah, social convention always comes secondary to that.
As a fierce advocate for my kids, I get passionate in parent teacher meetings. I confront my daughter's bullies. I am relentless sometimes. But at least I'm there. I get mad when my daughter cares too much about what other people think. Like I was pissed yesterday when she second-guessed a rumour about herself that wasn't even true. She spent several minutes figuring out ways to disprove a couple of 11-year-olds. What the fuck? I wish there were tried and true ways to make our kids invincible to human ugliness before the world gets their hands on them. But there isn't.
Sometimes I think I'm doing this all wrong. Like maybe I shouldn't focus on them embracing their individuality as much, maybe I should just allow it all to unfold. I was very much myself when I was a kid, and I felt markedly different from my family and other children my age. A real Matilda. But I enjoyed doing my own thing and pursuing my own interests. It made me who I am today.
I want that for them too. I want them to pursue the arts over organized sports if that's what makes them happy. I want them to engage in civil disobedience instead of being compliant against things they find unfair and unjust. A couple years ago, my daughter organized a rally of sorts protesting against the township cutting down trees behind their school to build mega mansions. She had these little signs and everything. That's when I knew I was doing something right.
I just try to expose them to as much as I can,. There are many paths to take in this one life, and I hope that they do things not just to please me or please others, but that they listen to those inner yearnings at all costs.
That's all I can hope for.
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