Call it a gift or a curse, but I never forget a birthday.
And so...happy birthday to you. Do I ever cross your mind? Add that to the list of things I'll never know.
Behind every unanswered message and silent hello sent out into the void, I want you to know there's only love. Maybe that’s both the point and the problem. Loved you then, love you now. Always have, always will.
Sometimes I drive down streets in my hometown that echo your name. I give a little nod to the places we'll never see together and the things we'll never know about each other and the coffee shops we'll never have warm conversations in. A shared spoken tongue, foreign to passerbys. The seditious agitprop prose, the cynical dreaming, the longing for whatever could make opposing worlds harmoniously collide.
Scripts written and rewritten so many times, delayed regrets about the ending. Words soft and soothing, pouring out like warm honey. Pulses of life to keep me on my toes. And now, a slackjawed awareness that I'll never speak a language like that again. Known secrets and beautiful lies told in earnest and wishes kept safe behind a caged heart. Just put it on the shelf with all the memories. The lock is changed, but I don't possess the key.
Wherever you are out there, may this year bring joy. My love and gratitude for you are unconditional, forever tethered to all the things in the universe we somehow remain connected by.
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