I’m excessively sentimental. Whether through death or circumstance, it takes me a long time to grieve the people I’ve lost. The family and friends I’ve watched slip from this world, the one passionate love who rightfully walked away so he could open himself up to what I couldn’t give… when they let go, my instinct was to hold on. I used to be so ashamed of that.
But now I recognize I needed that additional time to allow each of the five stages of grief to wash over me. I couldn’t simply vanquish it or pretend it never happened. I had to feel it to heal
it, as it were. Even the ugliness that manifested in the ‘anger’ stage. For some reason anger is where I’d often stay stuck for an extended period of time. Anger myself, my lost loved one, and the world for dealing those shitty cards. Afterwards, I’d feel shame for acting in such a bitter way.
But I couldn’t rush it. I see now that I needed to experience my grief as it was in order to grow. It helped me discover that the connection isn’t severed, but merely suspended in a moment in time that exists like a snow globe scene in the memory. This has a allowed me to move forward with love, inner peace, and gratitude, all of which are aspects of the ‘acceptance’ stage.
Loss might be the great tragedy of human life, but it’s also the most universal experience we can all relate to. It exists to remind us that we are sentient beings, and that we were never meant to do this journey alone. Understanding this has helped get me to this healed and continuously healing version of myself.
This version who I love and have so much compassion for.
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