Have you ever heard of the sociological concept, 'the looking glass self'? Well, the cliffnotes version is that we build our identity based on how others see us. It's an interactional process first articulated by sociologist Charles Cooley. Sure, a lot of 'old rich dead white guy' theories should be tossed in the trash, but this one rings true.
For so long I've struggled with defining myself through another's eyes. Letting others define who you are is a hard practice to break, especially when on the surface, the way you're defined appears complimentary to the image the world wants to see. This is even more true when you're a woman.
Beautiful. Kind. Generous. Articulate. Intelligent. Perfect (cringe). Maternal. Dedicated. Industrious. Self-sacrificing.
I've felt an immense pressure to live up to these ideals. People seem to hold me to a higher standard, putting me on some imagined pedestal. If I'm being honest, this just makes me want to retreat from the social realm. I don't want to operate in a box. I want to have room to be all things. To make mistakes and learn and grow.
When I'm pigeonholed, I start to believe I'm supposed to maintain the versions of myself that people say I am, and in so doing, I become overwhelmingly focused on my own depreciation instead of my value.
So in the past year, I've been consciously reworking this.
Not just a mom.
Not just a nerd.
Not just a face.
Not just a wife.
More than one thing, with the potential to be anyone, at any time. And in the mirror, a new reflection staring back at the person they tried to tell me I used to be.
Comments