July 2nd, 2023
Hola!
It's been awhile. And I'm sorry for that.
Here's the thing: I'm coming off a massive writer's block that was an unfortunate co-creation of some weird happenings in my life, plus the ick factor of the Internet and people ruining the meaning underneath my words. I've learned that if you are sensual, people discard the rest. I've learned that if you are emotional, people pin you to that way of being. I've learned that if you are open and empathetic, people use that against you. But it's a double-edged sword because if you're closed off, you don't allow for the expanse of self necessary for growth. I just want to be myself at all times. Often that doesn't fall in line with how people expect me to be, but I don't know what to do about that other than to say that there's so many secrets and there's still so much you'll never know. And that's okay. That's sacred.
So that kept me from writing. Add to that some intensive school stress and bureaucracies, and this does not bode well for a perfectionist like me. Plus, there was an onslaught of birthdays and graduations and celebratory milestones including a new puppy and all these other sweet little gems that make life both full and exhausting at the same time.
In short, I was emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually drained, and I didn't have the time or energy to devote anything to this. I needed to recoup and take care of myself first, and give whatever I had left to my family and my school work.
But hey, I'm back now. I intend to keep it that way. I've learned a few things about blogging too. I just embarked on a new and exciting career. I'm busy as ever, and yet I feel free in many ways too. Like I don't have to push myself to be the 'best'. I did that when I was in school. For too long, I did that in my relationship and in mothering. But I can't hold myself to the standards that society has set for me. I get to define what the 'best' means for me and me alone. I really struggle with that you know? More about that in a later entry.
Right now, I just wanted to say hi. I wanted to remind you to never let anything or anyone steal your shine. Take a step back if you need to. Your creative life will always be right there waiting for you to delve back in.
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