When I was in high school, my male counterparts gave me the moniker ‘Venus’. For those of you unfamiliar with Roman mythology, Venus is the Roman goddess of love (and beauty, desire, sex, and fertility…but let’s just keep it brief, eh). I mean, I guess it could’ve been worse, they could’ve nicknamed me ‘potato’ or something.
Here I am in all of my ‘Venus’ glory at my prom 19 years ago. I don’t often think of the girl in this picture, but being that it’s grad season, I’m feeling a bit nostalgic. Pictured alongside me are two of my closest pals at the time. The less morose looking fellow (a true Ken doll lookalike) was my first boyfriend in grade 9, and I think it was him who was primarily responsible for bestowing the Venus moniker on me in our early years of high school. We actually reconnected over the past year and it’s so cool to see the paths our lives have taken. There’s a fondness there that feels pure and genuine.
It’s fun to reminisce about all the lives we’ve lived in one body. High school was fairly smooth sailing for me because I learned what it felt like to be seen as beautiful and strange all while being put on a pedestal. I was a virginal lass who freely flaunted my assets, carried a purse made out of an old cigar box, read and acted in plays, and stayed sober at parties. I was just different and I didn’t really see a need to fit the mold. Nobody really gave me any grief for it either, and if they did, I can’t say I would’ve cared.
I guess that’s partly why I went to prom alone. I was six months out of a pretty tough heartbreak (thanks to my now husband) and I had plenty of suitors to choose from, but I decided to go stag with all of my friends who were all coupled up, if even for the night. I just didn’t want to be obligated to go with someone I wasn’t really into in that way.
As much as being a teen girl had its negative aspects, Venus was cool, confident, sassy, and unapologetic. It’s weird that life has taken me in reverse in the 19 years since. I’ve struggled with more self-doubt in the past 5 years than I ever did back then. Sure, I know more, but I also have moments where I question everything instead of going with my gut.
When I’m in that place, I just need learn to channel my inner Venus. I think she still exists in there somewhere.
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