I haven't been easy to find lately. It's just the season of life that I'm in. That's how motherhood be sometimes, you know? You are the conduit of your child's developmental experience and social-emotional growth. It isn't lost of me that I take on the physical and emotional labour of being a mom in ways that are often intense, and profoundly draining. I want them to know that they can count on me. I’m here. Mostly because I didn’t have that myself growing up.
In between Spring Break shenanigans with my crew (including a trip across the line and an ultra adventurous cave expedition on Vancouver Island), along with a never-ending list of my kid’s extracurriculars, I haven't had much time for my own individual pursuits.
Life right now revolves around auditions, filming, volleyball, horseback riding, piano and now baseball. There's also the odd moment helping them fight back against bullies and teaching them how to be good friends, and good people in general. But it's a lot of moving about. I'm stuck in a state of shuffling from place to place, and feeling utterly drained when I've actually got some downtime. Ergo, little writing is being done.
I used to be resentful about this. Like, where did I go in all of this? But now I've found myself in a state of radical acceptance. In order not to get swallowed up entirely, I try to carve out moments where I take care of myself. Lately, that means sleeping a lot. My body needs the rest. 9pm bedtimes are where it's at.
Being the matriarch of a growing family is exhausting, but there's no question that I'll undoubtedly miss all this when it's gone. Whenever another stage passes, I seem to look back with awe at how quickly it went.
留言