As a tempestuous human who feels things deeply, I don't love gently. I’m intense and open to vulnerability, so I tend to crash into people. The hopeless romantic in me has always believed that being in love should feel like stars colliding. When two stars collide, they form gold that scatters across the universe. To me, that’s what love should be - a rare celestial event forceful enough to create cosmic gold.
If it doesn't feel intense, passionate and otherworldly from the jump, I don't want it. I suppose I need that all consuming 'this is it' feeling, and if I hadn’t found it with my husband, I have no doubt I'd probably still be alone.
With that in mind, maybe I'm not the best person to be writing about love. After all, I've been with the same man for 14 years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, no doubt. But all in all, it’s mostly been ups, and I am so grateful. Aside from what we’ve found together, I've only ever been in deep, romantic love one other time in my life. Clearly, the whole 'stars colliding' thing has led me to be picky AF, and unfortunately, destructive at times. Big feelings. A desire to run. High highs and low lows. Bless my poor husband's heart, because he works with my intensity on the daily.
I'm not easy to love by any means (choo choo childhood trauma train coming in hot), but I don't need a lot of wooing. What I need rather consistently is a deep emotional and intellectual connection, along with high levels of playful sensuality. Raising a family in this modern world doesn't always coincide with these ideals, but we do our best to maintain it. When it starts to feel like it's fading, when our stars seem to be pulling away from each other or moving in different directions, we talk about it.
To me, a good love is something that lingers on in the memory. It's not just another footnote in the story of a life. It’s something you can't help but reminisce about when you're 80. Something that creates gold and scatters itself across the universe to last for all time.
Comments